“Your book changed my life.”
I was at a WordPress conference in 2014, about a year after my first “real, live, on the bookshelves” book, Responsive Design with WordPress, came out, when an attendee came up to me and told me this.
I had never spoken to them — in-fact, they weren’t even from the United States. This person from halfway across the world not only knew who I was, but told me that because of a book I wrote, they landed a life-changing job.
It’s a little overwhelming to think about, even now, 10 years later. I hope they’re still happy in that line of work.
Still, as I reflect on this story, and on being a podcaster for over 12 years, I can’t help but think about the parasocial relationship podcasting creates, and if there’s anything we can do to help it.
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How Parasocial Relationships Work
Parasocial relationships are inevitable when you create one-way content. Books, videos, movies, music, etc. all give you the ability to reach way more people than you’d otherwise be able to meet face-to-face.
But it also gives those people the ability to know you way better than you know them, and it happens in podcasting too…maybe more than any other medium.
Have you ever met a podcaster that you’ve listened to, and referenced something from their personal life they definitely didn’t tell you, but you knew from their show?
That’s the parasocial relationship in action. And I should note that it’s not bad — it’s as I said, an inevitability.
Just you know…don’t be weird about it.
But it has me wondering…are there ways we can make it less one-sided? Let’s explore.
Making Podcasting Less One-Sided
Earlier this month on my personal blog, I wrote about how to phantom deactivate your Twitter account, and mentioned that most social networks straddle a weird line between parasocial and reciprocal relationships.
You’re interacting with people who you’d otherwise never reach, but you don’t really know many of them, unless you put in the effort. And the bigger your following, the less likely you’ll have a strong connection with most — not even many — of your followers.
In that sense, there will always be a parasocial aspect to podcasting. You can’t force people to interact with you, and as your podcast grows, you can’t possibly interact with everyone…or even a significant percentage of listeners.
But you can still try to connect with your listeners more.
Ideas for Connecting with Your Audience
Back in September, I wrote about how to get feedback from your audience. I feel this is an absolutely crucial part of building a podcast worth listening to, and building a loyal audience — and community.
But you also need to modify the format of your show to accommodate this; getting feedback and doing nothing with it on the show is a completely missed opportunity.
Outside just begging for feedback, though, you can connect with your audience. Set up a Discord or other community where there’s a live chat.
Hold a virtual event or live streams for listeners to show up to. Live Streams work particularly well for me; but I know there are podcasts with vibrant Discord communities. It really depends on what your audience is into.
You can also do live events, meetups, or meet and greets. If you go to a conference in your niche, let your audience know, and organize a simple get-together — or just encourage them to say hi.
I believe some winning combination of online and offline (over time — online would certainly be easier for most of us) contact will help.
The Time I Met Amy Porterfield
Now I’ll tell the reverse of the story I opened with.
At Craft+Commerce 2023, Amy Porterfield did a meet and greet and I had the opportunity to say hello. This mid-conversation moment was captured by my friend Cat Mulvihill.
I was very aware that I knew much more about her as a longtime listener of her show. We had a polite conversation where she introduced me to a fellow podcast coach (which is super cool) and I went on my way. That photo isn’t posed because I wasn’t going to ask for a photo — I was, perhaps, overly concerned with being weird.
Now, Amy was there as a keynote speaker, and was under no obligation to do this. At many events I go to, the keynote speakers come in the day they speak, hang out in the speaker greenroom the whole time, speak, and bounce.
But she wanted to give listeners and fans a chance to meet her — and that helps shrink the parasocial gap.
I’m under no misconception that she remembers meeting me. But while millions listen to her show, and possibly hundreds at the event (and throughout the week), she definitely helped bridge the gap between her and her audience.
In-fact, that podcast coach she introduced me to was a longtime listener she had met at other events, whom she now knows well.
As a podcaster with massive reach, she does an incredible job of making the parasocial relationship more reciprocal. She:
- Has an online community where she and her team interact with listeners and students
- Hosts webinars and trainings where she can directly connect
- Does events like this — live, in person, where she meets listeners with the context that people listener to her show (and therefore make dropping personal facts a little less weird).
As you think about how to connect with your audience, consider how you can take what’s an inherently parasocial relationship, and make it less one-sided.
By finding ways to interact with your audience — whether online or in-person — you turn passive listeners into active participants. And as podcasting continues to grow, it’s these connections that will set your show apart.
